Saturday, 5 April 2014

Day 68, Happiness Is NOT Just Your Health

Endo 365

Now I am not being silly, I do know what is meant by 'Your health is your happiness'. People are being sympathetic, understanding and grateful of their own health. It is true- you do not know what good health is until you no longer have it. I know 'sick' people who get a little jealous of those healthy people who have no idea what it is to like awake at night unable to sleep through pain or worrying whether they will live to see their own daughters wedding. 

And their fustraition is equally understandable- because it's crap and because it's unfair and because 'Why ME?!' 

But this thinking does not solve anything, it does not help anything and in the long run it does not make you feel better but bitter. So if you have this tendency, stop it, drop it (like it's hot), accept it and allow yourself to be happy. You're in control of your own feelings- I will not take 'I can't' as an answer. 

I don't know about you, but when people say 'happiness if your health' sometimes I feel like punching myself in the face:

A) we all quite clearly know I do not have complete health- I do not need this highlighting (I am fairly perspective upon the former point) and I do not need you to prescribe to me how I feel because of it. Thankfully I am able to live outside cliche sayings...

B) For those amongst is who are suffering health conditions, it is a very negative, absolute statement. I can assure you this is not always the case.

C) I know plenty of happy people with awful health, and even more unhappy people with perfect health.

As humans, its ingrained into our DNA to take things for granted even without realising we do so. How would you appreciate something you are born with and didn't actively seek? How do we know what it is to be blind when we wake up to open eyes full of sight every day? 

I never think for a second to be grateful for my sight because it's just there... Do you? 

In fact, having worn glasses from the age of 12, I would say I am positively ungrateful for the sight that I do have. Which I wear contact lenses and glasses to correct it, because I am lucky enought to have that privilege. 

Note to self: Be thankful for sight. And hearing. And legs. Maybe even my healthy thighs, I guess it means I have enough to eat. 'Dear Lord, Thank you for my fat thighs...'  Thats it. My blogs couldnt get more bazar. 

I know it is very easy to get frustrated with those who grumble about pains and colds and the problems you would die for. And that can be relevent beyond just health, I have a good friend who lost her mummy and I would never dream of complaining about mind around her. Sometimes it is intolerable to hear. It's like starving and someone telling you how amazing their last grotesquely decadent their last meal was and how uncomfortably full they are now. But I know there are children in Syria right now who would love to go home to a safe comfortable farmhouse with both parents and a lovely lovely family, a free health system, having had a free and extensive education. What is a bit of pain when life is that good?  

When I start getting a bit down, The first thing I ask myself is this: What do I really know of suffering? How many people living in England know what it is like to genuinely fear for their lives every day, never knowing when they will next eat or with no where to sleep, no education and no access to free health care or a fair police force. 

So you see, happiness is not just your health, but your circumstance and attitude. I have had many amazing friends travel to the third world this year on their gap year (So Jel, I'll be there as soon as my tummy is okay) and I know they have met people in the circumstances I have just stated, and many of them are happy. 

So I think perhaps the saying should instead be 'Your Happiness is Your Choice, Your Attitude' rather than 'Your Happiness is Your Health'.  

But Now I have got myself started on 'Choice' so we would be here a while. I shall keep it short. 

I am going to stop calling myself a 'closet feminist' because we all know I am certainly not. Just because I don't grow my armpit hair, like dresses and have a boyfriend does not stop me from getting on my soap box. (Apologies for generalisation, I jest).

In order to empower myself and validate myself when I am feeling crap you must exersise your choice (this is a very useful skill to have in life- you cannot rely on other people to do this for you or go looking for it- that leads to sticky situations). I am a strong believer that in every situation there is a choice and you can empower yourself to choose for your greater good rather than just taking the easy route, the conforming route, the obvious route. You should break away and do what it best for you. Even if it is just how you think- it doesn't have to result in action all the time. Even if you feel like someone has been a whore to you and you want to cry and you cant stop it- deep down you are accepting their words and allowing them to upset you. Well empower yourself to give them 'the birds' (A colloquial term I learnt today meaning 'up yours' and the like. How exciting). If you don't like how your endo makes you feel, empower yourself to feel differently. Instead of being a victim to the pain, actively seek good and allow it to shape you into a better person, volunteer and give back, resolve some personal philosophies that enable you to cope and be happy irregardless of the situation life presents you with. 

Its amazing how comforting it is when you chose to look at the bigger picture, yes your health is a big factor to your happiness, but when you have it you probably don't even appreciate it and are worrying about something else anyway. You can choose, irregardless of your situation, to be happy.
 Empower yourself to write a list of the things you love, and then do them. 
Write a list of what is important to you, the things you value, the things you're happiest doing them and then do it every day. 
What in spires you? Can you adopt some of that? 

I love people who get on with things with a smile on their face. I made a conscious choice to become on of those people. Fake it until you make it. Soon after choosing to, it will become second nature. 

I love people who love life, see the good and make the most of everything irregardless of what walls are tumbling around them. After four years of endo and various other personal problems, I am growing into that person. And life is better, brighter and bigger because of it. By chosing to adopt that attitude I am for what feels like the first time, winning. 

Not all the time, but almost always I fall asleep grateful for my life. How lucky am I?

I can look myself in the mirror and know I am happy. And I certainly do not have my health. 

So lets not be pigeon holed as unhappy because we dont have perfect health- as people we are bigger than our health restraints, thus let not it monopolise our happiness. 

I conclude with one of my favourite quotes that suits my philosophies in almost every situation:

"Whether I fail or succeed shall be no persons doing but my own. I am the force. I can clear any obsical before me or I can become its victim. My Choice, My Responsibility. I win or I lose. Only I hold the key to my own fulfilment and happiness." 

We are incharge of our own lives. Yes we may be products of our upbringing to some extent, but if you can to change or empower yourself differently, through strength of character and determination anything is possible.

Unfortunately, I am not doing so well currently. I am in a lot of pain almost all the time but hey, I chose for it not to beat me: I'm still smiling.

All my love,

Alice Smith


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