Saturday, 3 May 2014

Day 90, My Three Month Anniversary

Endo 365

I'ma let you into a little secret: The last threeish months I have been struggling more than I have let on. I would say one month and a half into recovery I was getting increasing pain and more frequently. The pain should be going down slowly after my op. So we had a fun trip down to see my surgeon (they're always fun because Bicester Village is en route home and mummy is always feeling sorry for me... Yay to guilt ridden presents).

He basically said that my pain should not be increasing  and perhaps this pain is not down to the endo (which no longer currently  resides in my tummy, although there is life long damage to which it has kudos for). He believes the pain may be down to my ovaries- which is realistically a whole new dump of shite. If anyone knows anything relating to ovulation pain etc, could you be a darling and tell me?

Now we have got rid of my endo, the the marina coil which stops it from growing back does not switch my ovaries off which is probably now causing me pain, but if we go on the oestrogen led back-to-back pill to knock off Ye Olde ovaries, then the endo will grow back.

Can I ever win? Typical.

Of course I can, I am just being dramatic.

Anyway, it was quite horrible news, momma and al cried in the car park as only true Brits would. It felt like I had just been awarded the albatross around my neck; a life sentence of pain until I had 'The Hysteria Removed' (hysterectomy). Which could be 15 years of daily agony. And that's IF I find someone stupid enough to marry me.

But as always, I have now digested this news and am feeling positive.

(In Welsh accent for those of you have watched Gavin and Stacey) And I shall tell you for why.

Rational Al kicked in: It has only been three months since my op. I now realise being back to normal within a week was perhaps,  maybe, a little optimistic and neieve. However the more I think about it: my stomach has been sliced and diced and I suddenly have all these hormones I haven't had for four years. OF COURSE things will take a minimum of six months before I establish any normality. And in the meantime, I shall enjoy the morphine.

Three months really is not enough time to give the coil to settle in when you're mystical organs are as pedantic as mine. I am young, gynaecologically defective, recovering from and op and reopening the can of mensturation and hormones so of course it will take longer than the average time to settle in and sort out. Just Relax, take it easssssyyyy. 

And finally, if the worst case senareo becomes my reality, and this is it, then, well... it is what it is.
 I can only accept it and work with it, being upset and defeated by it is not unfortunatley, going to take the pain away. I will just have to learn to cope and live with it because that will be my reality. I'm not saying that I won't see every specialist possible. I am not saying I won't pursuit my diet and accupuncture and yoga. I am not saying that I will lie down and take the pain, indeed I shall exhaust every possible avenue of hope. But I will accept it if it is my reality like I accept replacement bus services: annoying but you've got to adapt and go with it.

I have started accupuncture but that is a whole new story for another blog i'm planning once I am further into my course. Touch wood, so far so good.

One of the weirdest things for me is after four years, no longer being on my menopause. You can read all about my WhoreMoan related troubles in my last blog.

All in all, when all is said and done, at the end of the day, life is good.

Life is so good. And I choose to enjoy it. Simple as A, B, C. 

The summer is approaching, I have so much to look forward to and  come this time next week i'll have finally firmed the university to which I will be studying at for the next three years (Last minute as ever).

When I reflect over how I felt three months ago, I know a lot more now... Which is a strange thing to say. I know my fertility- which is a good knowledge as it is positive news and one less worry. I know even more about the condition and my own body. I can begin to predict and expect things about my life in the future.

I am on the better side, with hopefully in many ways, the worst time behind me. And if there are bad times ahead which I anticipate, I will equip myself with the strongest tools to fight with.

And I'll have a hell of a lot of fun on the way.

Be brave, be strong and be happy,

Here's evidence of my happiness three months on,

Now I'm off to do a tour of all the beer gardens in Leicestershire. I shall Let you know the results.

All my love,


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