Day 4

Endo 365

So far my recovery is going well: I have received six bunches of flowers, two books, 3 boxes of chocolate, mints, hippie tea bags and a manicure and a pedicure. I have had at least tree visitors a day and have started 'Breaking Bad'. This has been a particularly productive week for me. Oh and an operation.

 Between the emails I have received from girls or partners or women suffering asking for advice,  or from gaining contact with lost friends, or from the notion of this operation finally being behind me, or maybe all three, I feel so happy and light. And I haven't even taken any morphine yet today! Please don't feel like I wont respond or have more important things to do than reply to an email from you because the biggest dilemma of my day currently is whether to have eggs scrambled or poached for breakfast. I have time, give me purpose and I will meet it with pleasure.

I am in a spot of pain, but why wouldn't I be? I have just had a fair amount of matter cut from inside my stomach! And to a degree, I am quite uncomfortable from the carbon dioxide they pump into you during endo surgery, to separate your organs so the camera can see everywhere. Every time I stand up, the gas that hasn't been absorbed rises to my shoulders and its like constant stitch! I believe this to be a good enough reason to remain lying horizontal on the sofa all day... And Of course, there are a few niggeling worries about whether this operation will be a success, how I will react to the Marina Coil, but only time will tell. I firmly tell myself 'Its not time to worry yet,' (Thank you Atticus Finch) and 'We will cross that bridge when we come to it' (Thank you Mummy).

 I resist the urge to google 'outcomes for Marina Coil' because like with endometriosis, I will probably find horror stories. There is no point witnessing bad reaction stories, reading that negative stuff wont impact how my body works with the Marina, it will only worry me and possibly subconsciously make me look for symptoms that aren't really there. Google is brilliant if you want to find out what Madonna's full name is (Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone) but is a near force of evil when you are venerable and impressionably researching subjective accounts of medical horror stories. Don't do it. Just don't.

So on the whole, I am very happy and excited for my future. For those of you who know me, or have read my '-3 Days' blog, it will come to no surprise that I have been slightly overdoing it. I had pulled open one of my wounds because I lifted more than I should have. Don't worry, it was a good job its happened because its not too serious and it was a lesson well learnt. It is just rather frustrating to not be able to make yourself a cup of tea!

But all in all I am good. Very good. And very happy.

So now that i've filled you all in with my progress, I thought this blog may have a educative theme as I realise I have never properly introduced you to my 'old friend': Endometriosis.

Meet Endometriosis. 'It' is tissue matter that sheds blood monthly. 'It' is a bit bitter because for unknown reasons, 'it' doesn't take residence in the womb with all its other tissue that bleeds cyclically, producing the blood which becomes the woman's period.

Because Endometriosis squats where 'it' shouldn't, like the bowel, bladder, ligaments, lungs  and even the brain, when 'it' bleeds in cycle with the normal tissue, it results in internal bleeding, with nowhere for the blood to go.

This causes great problems, organs cannot work properly with this foreign matter. Endometriosis should only be found in the uterus. As a result, women are punished. Blood pockets are left which mess with organs and their messages to the brain, the nervous system, sticks all the organs together, Irritates IBS, chronic pain, leaves scar tissue, wrecks nervous systems and immune systems because your body is always inflamed with the blood, fighting itself trying to constantly absorb the internal bleeding. The worst bit is that it can attack the very point of the female reproductive system: it is the biggest cause of infertility.

Other symptoms include: Painful sex, painful ovulation, anaemia, miscarriages, heavy periods, painful periods, bloating, fatigue and many more depending on the individual.

World famous specialists and professors have no clue what the cause of endometriosis is because there is no correlation between  symptoms, treatments or cures. Some people develop this snide, evil condition at the age of 50, and some people like me, are born with it. Some people have sever symptoms, but when they are operated on are only seen to have light endometriosis, where as a woman can have no symptoms, come to the time when she wants to have children, struggle to conceive, then under investigative surgery, found to be riddled with with this 'benign cancer'. Do you know they have even found endometriosis in still born baby girls and men!

Because no one knows what causes this condition, there is no cure. I personally think these two factors are what makes it so unpopular for people to specialise and research in; there is little hope of a satisfactory result and cure. It is seen medically as an almost lost cause and constant losing battle. But why?

WHY? 

It effects 1 IN 10 women. 

It is THE BIGGEST cause of infertility in the Western world. 

It may not be a killer but it has ruined so many women's lives, and that of their partners, parents and children.

It creates unquantifiable damage and has intolerable impact upon those landed with this condition.

I know without it my life would be totally different. I would travel the world four times over, have a dynamic and varied career all over the world, settle down late having lived, and then have my children. Because of this condition, I have had to take a gap year that near broke my heart. Because of this condition I wont be able to travel to where I want to this summer because the hospitals wont be sufficient if I need them. Because of this condition I wont have as successful career as I am capable of because I will have to have lots of time of work, and my children young. Because of this condition I wasn't able to have normal teenage years, I was burdened and restricted. I cant do what I want without considering the impact my endo will have on it.

And because of all of this, it gives me, and every one who suffers from it, loves someone who suffers from it, or someone with a decent agenda, purpose to fight. Purpose to educate everyone who will listen about 'conniving wolf'. Purpose to empower those effected; never letting society's silence make them or you feel embarrassed. No woman has done anything wrong to contract this, it is not the result of smoking or unprotected sex with strangers, it is DNA.


It may be unfair, and it may be frustrating, and it may be bloody painful, but we have a responsibility to make it better for future generations. I don't want any granddaughter to feel embarrassed or ill informed. I am never going to be endometriosis' victim because like a bully, I am standing up to it. And I am standing up to the 'British Stiff Upper Lip' too because we no longer life in the Victorian Age, this is the 21st century and I bleed. Which woman doesn't?

I have broken my vow of not sounding like a sketch in the 'Vagina Monologues' but hey ho- needs must.

The 'Endometriosis UK' charity have so much information and support, here is there web address: www.endometriosis-uk.org

If you've found my blog useful in any way, have a look at the events section and look into the 'Million Woman March'. It is something I am very passionate about and I'm going to be there, it would be amazing for everyone to make a stand together, and get endometriosis on the map.

Email me: alice.smith@marriottfarm.co.uk

All my love,

Al XXX

P.s I had porridge in the end